Chapter 11: ...You said the union was forever...

The day was soft. I drove to Ani's house that morning, knocking gently on her door and hearing the shuffle from within. For the first time I stood face to face with a man, whom I did not know. He held a bottle in his hand and sneered at Me. "Who are you?"

"Um, I'm Taylor... Is... Is Annissa around?"

"She's around hold on," He shut the door and I heard him yelling, and mumbling some obscenities on the other side. When the door opened again Ani was standing there looking rather miffed.

"Sorry about him," She muttered. "Why did you show up here, Tay?"

I decided not to ask. "I... uh, wanted to see you?"

"I..." She paused, "I have to ask. Hold on." Once again the door was shut in my face and I stood patiently, for at least five minutes, waiting for her to return. When she did she pushed me and shouted, "Alright, move! Come on."

She was panicked, but I could tell she was trying to hide it, hide whatever from me. I stepped in my car and she rushed to the passenger's side, as we were pulling out, the man came out of her house again and was shouting. I looked at her and she gave me a look of terror, "What are you doing? Go! Get out of here..."

I drove down the street quickly and once we turned the corner I looked at her, "What was that all about?"

"You know, he didn't want me to go out of the house with a boy. So I did anyway." She giggled, but I didn't laugh. I was worried about her, I knew that he had smacked her around a bit. I had no clue how frequently, or why, or if it was for no reason at all. But I didn't realize he was like that. I didn't know he drank. I didn't know he had the balls to walk out into his yard screaming obscenities at his daughter.

I kept driving and I stopped in the drive of my own house.

"Isaac wants to head back to L.A. pretty soon." I said, "But... but I can't go unless I know you're going to be okay."

She smiled weakly and I pressed, "How long has this been going on?"

"Taylor, it's nothing you can change." She said, "Nothing you can just make better... Don't worry about me - I was fine before I met you, wasn't I?"

"You're not fine. You weren't fine the other night. You didn't have to hide it from me for so long."

"I didn't want to hurt you."

"You didn't have to help me all of this time, I've been selfish, I can't go until I'm SURE you're okay, alright? We don't have to go back to L.A. so soon."

"Don't worry about me, alright, you have a career and a life to continue." She smiled, "Now come on, let's go in."

She stepped out of the car, I watched her walk and a realization crossed my mind. I shook it out of my head and followed her in.

"You worry about my career too much - what is my career anymore, without Zac?" I said, softly as we lay on my bed flipping through newspapers and magazines.

"You'll have to build it... do something, I mean you do have the songs you guys recorded still, right?"

"Yeah, laying around gaining dust. I don't know how we'll perform any of our music, anymore. We haven't got a drummer."

"Isaac's been learning."

"That's because Isaac is depressed, and very, very obsessive."


"Ani," I said, softly, "You..." I stuttered, "I..." I swallowed, not believing what I had just been about to admit. "I just realized something," I said softly, "And I don't know if I like it."

"Tay, what's up?" She said. I think she thought I was thinking something bad, masochistic, or upsetting. But I wasn't. I was melting at her. I squirmed and looked away from her. Everything between us was just about to change. "Tay, come on, tell me. What's going on?"

I sighed softly, "I ... I don't think I should tell you."

"Please, tell me Taylor." She said, anxiously.

I stared into her eyes and then averted mine, "I... I can't."

She leaned forward and gave me her best puppy dog eyes. She was right in front of me, inches away from my face and I just collapsed into her, my lips pressing forcefully against hers.

I pulled away from her and I saw a smile on her face, "Oh," She mouthed.

I felt good all over, as if I had had a sexual awakening. I leaned in and kissed her again, and she responded softly, running her tongue over my bottom lip. I pushed her lips apart and ran my tongue over her top row of teeth. Our tongues met in a dance, playfully pushing back and forth at each other. The kiss lingered, and we broke apart, breathless.

"Oh, wow," I said, softly. She wrapped her arms around me and nuzzled her face in my neck.

"Why did you wait so long?"

"I didn't realize until now."

"Kiss me again."

And again we fell into an intense kiss. I felt my hands naturally traveling the contours of her body. I had forgotten what this felt like. After all of the girls, and all of the one-night stands - you wouldn't think I would be nervous. But I was. My hands were shaking as they traced the outline of her bra on her back.

Her lips moved to my neck and she began sucking and biting. I growled, and I heard her giggle. This comforted me and I reached down and began to pull her t-shirt over her head. She pulled back and reached for mine.

We both sat back, frowning at the other's imperfections. My ribs, beginning to show through my skin. And her bruises. I closed my eyes and a pained tear slipped down my cheek, she leaned in and kissed it away.

"Let's be truthful, from now on, okay?"

I nodded and wrapped my arms around her, gently rocking her with me, kissing her shoulders. "You are so intense." I whispered, "I love you so much."

I barely knew the words had slipped from my throat until they were returned to me, "I love you, too, Taylor." She sighed, as my hands found the clasp of her bra. When released her silken bra slid off of her shoulders, and she shook it off, putting it aside. I nuzzled my face in her soft breasts cupping my hands around them. I kissed and sucked her nipples, and reveled in the feeling of her chests rapid rise and fall with her increasing breath rate. She pushed me away and lay me back on the bed straddling my stomach.

"You silly boy," She said cupping my face in her hands and grinding her hips into mine. "Do I turn you on?"

I nodded.

She giggled and slid her hands over my chest and down to the zipper of my pants. She yanked down my pants, exaggerating the difficulty she was having by hopping to the floor and carefully pulling each leg from my ankles and then sliding up my legs slowly, stopping right when her face got near my crotch. She giggled and walked her first two fingers up my leg.

"Little Peggy Sue went on a walk... and then she came across a mountain." Her fingers tickled up the bulge in my boxers. I only watched with a look of amusement on my face as she continued, "When she got to the top she Sliiiiddd the whole way down" She let her fingers gently slide down to my stomach. I couldn't help giggling, I never was with a girl who made foreplay a journey.

She grabbed my boxers and yanked them down, pushing them down to my knees before continuing her story, "Then she turned around, and saw a tree. She headed to the base and made it her mission to climb-climb-climb." She clamped her two fingers around my cock and with abrupt motions pulled up, inch by inch until Peggy Sue made it to the top. Her fingers tickled my sensitive head as she walked in place with her two fingers. "Once at the top she had ... to climb down..." She grabbed me forcefully and slid down, "And back up... and down." She bit her lip and smiled at my obvious amusement as she began to pump me. I could feel my face contorting in silent pleasure. "Scream, Taylor. You bitch!" She shouted at Me.

"I... Can't... Family's home."

"OH, come on you DOG, just ONCE."

I shook my head, the last thing I needed was my Mom to come home, hearing animalistic moans coming from my bedroom, and be worrying about me - thinking I was alone. She wrapped her lips around the head as she continued to pump my shaft and I squirmed and whimpered.

Her tongue was teasing me and her hands were squeezing and pumping. I was getting dizzy with the feeling - it being a long while since I had fooled around with a girl - and then suddenly... she stopped. I looked up at her hazily, "Hm? Why'd you stop?"

She was unbuttoning her pants, "Well... You were writhing about and moaning, and so I figured I would be ... you know, cruel and stuff."

"Ugh... thanks." I said rubbing my dizzy head as I watched her pull off her pants, and pretty soon she was only clad in a pair of pink bikini panties. "Cute." I pointed out and she snapped the strap.

"I know, I have mad fine taste, don't I?"

"Fully." I agreed, and reached forward grabbing her gently around the waist. I kissed her neck softly and whispered in her ear, "If you don't mind, I think I'm going to touch you."

"And I think I'm going to like it."

"And I'm going to be happy about that."

"Then will you fuck me?"

"Yes." I said, my eyes were closed, and for the first time - it felt natural. Like I was supposed to be doing this. Ani was the girl I loved, and touching her wasn't something I was going to feel guilty about later. Being this close to her wasn't something I was going to have to cleanse myself of tomorrow. It was something that I wanted to last.

I pulled her over with me and I leaned over her snaking my hand down to her panties and softly touching her with the back of my hand. She pushed forward against my hand. Sliding my hand inside her panties I groped her lightly with the back of my hand still and then I squeezed her clit between my two fingers, pulling at it gently.

"Mmm... Taylor." She smiled at me, "Who taught you to be so good with your hands?"

"My piano teacher."

"Oh, Mmm..." She said, nibbling at my neck. She cooed in my ear, "I'll have to thank him later."

I pushed her panties down slowly with my extra hand and turned my hand around, slipping my fingers into her opening. Her hips bucked and she began to push against my hand in a rhythmic motion. I pushed my penis between my hand and her body and rubbed my head into her clit as I rotated my fingers.

"Hey Tay, I'm beginning to rethink this sex thing." She mumbled.

My mouth dropped. My dick was practically salivating, "Why?"

She wrapped her fingers around my sack, "Because you're so fucking huge."

"I won't hurt you." I whispered, "I promise."

"Can I have you now?"

"Yes." I said, pulling my hands away from her, wiping it on the sheet. "You on the pill?" I asked.

"No, do you have protection?"

"Yeah, hold on..." I said, standing up. "Actually, while I'm up I'm going to lock the door and put on music. What do you want to listen to?" I pressed the button on the door and heard a 'click' indicating it was locked, and then headed over to the CD changer.

"Homogenic." She said in a weak voice and I saw her desperate look. I bit my lip and grabbed the Bjork album. I put it in and turned up the volume, and the drumbeats pulsed through the room. I smiled at her as I took my time finding a condom, knowing how crazy I was driving her.

When I found one, though, anxious myself, I bounded back over to the bed and smothered her with my body. Planting kisses along her collarbone and feeling the head of my dick graze the inside of her open thighs. She pushed me back and grabbed the condom from my hand, ripping open the small package.

"Hold still."

"I am still."

"Holy shit, is it getting bigger?"

I laughed and looked down, my hardness creeping upward to my stomach. "You need to work on putting on a condom. Grab it and it'll stop doing that." She grabbed me forcefully and rolled the condom on gently with her other hand. "There. Was that so hard?"

"It is hard." She said, thoughtfully.

"Not that."

"Well..." She blushed, "What would I know about putting on condoms ... I've never done this before."

"You haven't?!"

"I mean..." She paused, "I've fooled around... I've... I've just never had sex."

"Are you sure you want me to do this?" I said.

"Yes, I'm sure."

I moved closer to her, "This is probably going to hurt." I got myself positioned and began to enter her, she immediately stiffened.

"Taylor, Jesus, Ugh." She groaned in pain, "How do you fuck girls?"

"I've never had sex with a virgin," I said, softly. "Try to relax..." I could feel her tearing around me but I kept pushing. Her muscles were so tense, and I tried to make soothing motions with my hands, but her muscles remained taut. Once I was fully inside of her she started to cry.

"Don't cry." I kissed her tears, "I'm so sorry, I don't want to hurt you."

"No, please keep going, just be careful, alright?"

I went slowly for her, and I was so worried the whole time. I hated to think I was hurting her. She was crying - but tried to hide it by smiling, even though I could see her eyebrows wrinkled in pain. I kissed her tears and I kissed her lips, and I tried to make it okay. I brushed her hair out of her face and stared into her eyes, seeing so much trust there. She trusted me with something she hadn't given anyone, ever, and it gratified me to know that. When I came I pulled out of her slowly, still hard, and kissed her on the cheek. I heard her breath a sigh of relief.

"I'm sorry," I whispered as I snaked my hand around her waist.

"No... I wanted it... Don't worry Tay."

"I didn't want to hurt you..." I said, blushing, "I know there's really no way around it - but it's... it's just big, and..." My face felt hot, thinking about all of the girls I carelessly tore into, until tears were streaming down their faces. All of the girls who swallowed me whole. I knew I was... well hung - I had been told so many times, but I didn't want to finish my sentence, and the last thing I wanted to see was Ani hurt under my hand. "I'm sorry, I don't want to make you cry ever again."

She stroked my hair, "It's okay, they were good, safe, tears. You worry too much, Tay."

"The last thing I want to do is make you feel pain, after all you've done for me."

"You made me feel good."

I smiled and wrapped my arms around her and kissed her neck the words of music still going on around us.

"All that no one sees, you see - what's inside of me.
every nerve that hurts, you heal - deep inside of me.
you don't have to speak
I feel.
emotional landscapes they puzzle me.
the riddle gets solved."

I whispered in her ear, words I had never expressed with such an understanding, "I love you."